Happiness.

We all wish it to friends, relatives and strangers, in celebrations and birthdays.

“And we always inwardly desire the same for ourselves…” but what is happiness?

A word. A relatively small Greek compound word meaning good luck.

Is that what we really wish for? Good luck?

Should things come out of luck?

As if to say sit comfortably in your chair and be happy waiting for your luck?

Hmmm nice. Handy. But is it possible? And if so, useful?

Someone will say, if you won the lottery would it make you sad?

Wouldn’t this be great luck that would solve almost all your problems?

We probably have to take it from the beginning to get to a relative meaning.

So the question that arises is fundamental. Is there luck?

A rather personal question that definitely everyone has their own point of view.

Personally, until two years ago and for many years until then, I believed that there was luck and in fact we both did not have the best relationship.

Not that I was unlucky, no, but I was not really lucky since some things I really wanted never happened to me. So let’s say I did not consider myself lucky not even on New Year’s Eve that that the custom is to play cards with friends. My bets were always conservative because winning (rarely of course) was a huge surprise for me in the first place.

“Come on! Did I win? Really? Are you sure?”

My look was typical when I was winning. A friend had described it

“The antelope’s gaze”

This animal always has a questioning look. Have you noticed? That’s me!

So the years passed and passed, constantly chasing my good luck!

About five years ago some unexpected health issues (not something serious) that inevitably changed my daily life to some degree, forced me to manage the shock of this change. Instinctively and unconsciously I found (i realised it later on) great ways to manage what I lost.

Really so great, groundbreaking (for me at least) and effective that I highly recommend! Do I have your attention?

1) AFTER DOCTORS APPOINTMENT…

One day, returning from an appointment with my doctor to which I had heard very absolute and unpleasant things that were going to happen to me with mathematical precision, I unconsciously entered a nursery garden.

At first I was attracted by the colors and the smells.

I just went for a walk to this huge nursery that we have in the area, being convinced that even a cactus would die in my hands (remember the previous text? “Disable the label?”) That was a standard belief I had for myself. “Flowers and I have nothing to do with each other except admiration from a distance.” Anyway, I was so emotional that without realizing it I returned home with about a dozen flowers, transplant pots, soil, gloves and a watering can. When I put them in my empty yard I realized what I had done and this antelope’s look returned solemnly…

Why did I get all this? Oh my God how much money did I throw today?

After a week everything will have withered.

I decided that if they were to wither at least let them wither with dignity!

I started transplanting them, placing them in a place that suited their color – not even the needs of each flower for the sun, for example, I did not take into account since I had no idea, and to overflow them in water since I thought that I had to do.

Not to mention, the next day I found the halves a bit miserable and I started to change positions, to read for everyone’s needs, to take care of them. In two weeks I was committed. I bought more flowers and the first thing I did when I woke up was to make a cup of coffee and run out into the yard to see if a bud had bloomed, if a leaf had turned yellow, if they were still alive and well.

That summer, for the first time in my lifetime, my yard was filled with colors and aromas.

2) FOR A STRIGHT LINE…

From a young age, something attracted me to painting, but as i aready said I could not draw a single straight line. In fact, I remember in high school I had attended some classes. It was cheap, I had the time, and I thought that this way I would finally learn to paint. As always before I start anything I have to have everything I need from the beginning. Without even knowing if I would really care, if I would like it, if I would be good at it, I had bought all kinds of pencils, charcoal, tempera, endless blocks in all dimensions and paradoxically i also wanted an easel stand so I could create (This was given to me as a gift with her then meager salary by my sister Maria).

In fact and between us, I got all this so to manage to draw a straight line…

In the lessons the teacher made a valiant effort to explain to us how we measure distances, volumes, sizes, shading, etc.

And he apparently did a very good job, since the other students had some progress.

I even though I was equipped like a lobster, no…

There was one small detail that I did not take into consideration.

I have congenital hyperopic astigmatism, a condition that results in the lens of the eye not being able to hold its focus for long. So where I find it, there I lose it. Especially in the details. You will say : “Are you kidding me? And how do you crochet jewelry in these small dimensions? ” Wait and you will understand.

So I was struggling to find where the hell is this starting point that man was telling us that we should find to calculate all the data in order to sketch the still life we ​​had in front of us.

Needless to say, for me nature remained still…

I was disappointed and for years I did not try to paint again, since I had acquired another very beautiful belief: “Not even a straight line… »

So we return to the period of flowers in my yard. I was not working at all at that time. My crochet hooks and threads were in a hermetically sealed closet. The shock to my health was such that I was not in the mood to create in the way I knew until then.

One afternoon my little son persistently asked to paint but not with markers and crayons. He wanted to play with brushes and canvases like picasso… The memory of those unfortunate lessons came to me like lightning! I dug up everything I had bought and gave it to him to play.

“Let them at least be useful to the little one,” I thought.

Indeed, the child began to draw very nice crooked lines, without any logic, no coherence. Schematic volcanoes, houses and everything that came to his mind. That is, as a child.

I was looking at him from a corner for an hour and I was really impressed! Not from his paintings, but from the freedom he made them. He would not find a starting point, the sizes did not matter – a huge head next to a small house – the straight lines always had a curve and the colors were like irregular splashes. He had my respect. No disposition to follow basic design rules. Just the joy of creation. Of his own creation that he did not even ask me if I liked it. My opinion did not even concern him. He was just happy with what came out in the end. So simple.

A huge lesson for me. So another afternoon, while cleaning the house, his abandoned paintings fell into my hands. And as I was about to throw them away (yes, yes) I felt sorry for…. Paper!

It was not a plain paper you see. It was a high quality sketch paper special to absorb the colors. I had paid a fortune for them, i knew.

Then a brilliant idea came to me! To paint over his own paintings. On the same paper. To have as a basis what he made and to do what comes to my mind. That’s it! Without rules. Just like that.

So I lay down in my beautiful yard with my beautiful flowers that were now like a little paradise, I made a cup of coffee (always necessary) and I also started to draw irrelevant lines, to add, to change, to repaint the child’s drawings. The result? They were perfect! Well, they were not but for me they were! IThe were perfec because I just did not care! We ‘ve got this; That was perfect!

I just did not care to apply any rules. Wherever the hand went. As the line came out. And if I did not like it, I would let it dry and change it again.

In fact, I remember when I had changed all the child’s drawings, I convinced him to make more just to change them! Hahaha

In a few days i started making my own painings from scratch. Not to mention that by the summer, the walls of my kitchen were filled with changed paintings and my yard with mine. I wanted to see them when I drank my coffee among the colorful flowers. They made me feel so good that I could not get enough of them. But something was missing…

3) EITHER YOU WILL SOLVE IT OR …

When I had established many beautiful moments in my day between the obligations of everyday life, I began to calm down. Calm inside me, the tones fell, the tensions left. So at this stage I started to think why was my health shaken?

Until then, I did not have any health issues. So I realized that the answer was in the previous two years. I totally was devoted to a voluntary cause that has occupied me for years and I wanted with all my heart to offer and try to improve some things. I will not go into details because it is a big story. All I will say is that an amazing group of people was set up which I was lucky enough to lead and together we achieved a lot and important things that laid a solid foundation for the next ones. All good so far. And so where is the problem. Let me explain. For two reasons.

First of all: I pushed myself to an unimaginable degree. ‘I was setting incredible goals in my head and I had to achieve them at all costs, but they were extremely demanding both in terms of time and in terms of organizing many different people. What I want to say is that I did not leave room for myself for two consecutive years to calm down. I was under non-stop pressure.

Second: it is extremely painful and soul-destroying when you have to balance between many human characters. Many times you have to act as a bridge between different points of view and absorb the vibrations from all sides for the common good. That’s what I did. I just did not expect that a bridge that is constantly vibrating, will most likely break at some point. Strange as it may sound, the above was not the real cause. Fatigue and constant stress contributed catalytically but it was not what changed my future.

The real reason was that in all this two-year effort to balance I was unfair to a person. After two years of patience I broke out unjustly. There were many things I was right about but I did not say them on time. I was patient until the time came and I said it all together and so much more. And things I was not right about. Or at least in which I could clearly show understanding since there were many advantages and not just disadvantages. Not to mention, my conscience could not stand it. I still remember those days. For two months I was in another world. My mind was stuck and it was not going any further. All I could think about was “but I was right – I was wrong” all day, every day.

It is impossible for a human being to proceed in this condition. All his psychology is at stake. You will either solve it or it will swallow you. So simple, so absolute. The magic word you are looking for in such a situation is “Forgiveness”. If you do not receive forgiveness, you will not be able to forgive yourself.

In my humble opinion, forgiving yourself in the modern way that many recommend us today is useless or at least half the solution.

Here, my friend, you need to be able to drop your ego and say no. “I was wrong – forgive me.” Such a small phrase but such a difficult decision. Or so I thought, obviously because of my selfishness.

So as I sat and thought about all this, I knew what I had to do. The decision was difficult. It started bothering me again. I went back to those days. Until I got to not breathe easily. Weight. I was carrying an incredible weight. One afternoon I broke. I sought forgiveness instantly. It could not be done otherwise. I will not go into details because from now on you need to explain it up close to be understood otherwise you risk becoming graphic.

All I can say is that the change I felt when I stepped on my selfishness and admitted my mistakes where they should have been instantaneous. These things are not only explained but experienced.

It wat time for a doctors review. My doctor knew something had changed instantly. “What have you done?” Sit down and let me see you »Ah these minutes of waiting … “I do not know what you have done but the situation has stabilized. Somehow you delayed the development. It can not be healed but the thing is at a standstill ”

Stand. A word that haunts me. It’s been shouting at me for so long: “Stop” “Stop running now” “Make a stop, rest, calm down”

That afternoon I drank my coffee in another state of mind. Between my flowers and my paintings and above all with a clear conscience!

I was trying to put a word to what I was feeling… and suddenly it came to me…

So this is happiness….

With some anxiety I searched the dictionary to see what interpretation it gives: “A state of euphoria and psychosomatic satisfaction that stems from the achievement of certain goals”

“Psycho-physical”. That’s why I got sick. These two you see are inextricably linked. What a pity I did not understand it earlier! Or not; Would it be different if someone had told me earlier? “Maybe” i said to myself but probably not. I came to the conclusion that the essential things, the ones that hide essential truth, you can not understand even if someone tells you. You have to experience them. And the most difficult ones are extremely useful. It is enough not to have a sealed – fortified egoism. Be available to be surprised….

The fate of good luck, as you understand, played no role. Also, it would not be of any use to me if I had just bought ready-made pots or paintings or if I just buried the weight I was feeling deeper in my soul without having to shake it off.

No, I do not believe in luck. I believe in the circumstances and the choices we make when they arise. Now what determines the circumstances and consequently the choices we make and how they can be for our own good, is a whole different story. Two years ago, after my fathers death and a series of incredible events, I understood it well, but it is also an issue that I may one day put on a piece of paper in a related series.

For now let me just say this: It’s a matter of trust…

Even today, due to moving, my yard is not ready yet and i can not wait until it becomes my little paradise again but I am not afraid. I return to the basic source of creation for me. I grab my crochet hooks, fool around with my threads, close my eyes and let go into the shapes and colors…

Without stress. At a standstill. Calmly, With confidence. With joy. With a clear conscience!

With happiness…

Because as i said… Happiness is Handmade…!

Erasmia

P.S1 With the same ingredients I manage to knit in such small dimensions. Otherwise it would be impossible for me.

P.S2. Do you believe that luck contributes to happiness?